Her Story - February

                               I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE

                                   Posted on February 1, 2016 by carolsblog

I even don’t know what to say to people who ask how I am . because my blog says it all. no one can be OK in my condition. Now my healing won’t take a day or a week or those who ask do u talk now . I feel as if they are saying to me I can’t be your friend if you can’t talk.

This is why am saying my healing won’t take a day I still have a year or so to get there where people want me . That will happen not with only prayer but doctors help to- surgeries.

1.  my oesophagus broke down

2.  my spine got got exposed

3.  my trachea moved down I don’t know whether its still there.

In all this problems keep building up. tell me don’t we still have a long way to go?

can u expect something done spiritually only about my condition?

Me I need both. Am sorry to say someone advise you to go to church ad leave the hospital when they have no idea.

I can’t swallow not even my own saliva,

I know where I have been is the longest but still have tight days to go through. I don’t know where I get even the hope some loose it with just a headache or stomach ache.

Brings me to the point where I thank everyone who has supported me in any way. To my surprise people I have never met from different countries and those from my own country have also helped financially, spiritually , emotionally.It brings tears in my eyes for the care u give me. I said won’t blog without thanking you all. Thanks

You all have made my life worth living.

Today I read this

Posted on February 2, 2016

God has wisely kept us in the dark concerning future events and reserved for himself the knowledge of them, and he may train us up in a dependence upon himself.

One activity that takes lots of energy, yet entirely fruitless, is called ” reasoning ” when we reason we try to figure things out with our minds, and ask questions such as: ” why, God, why? When, God, when? What about this? What about that? ” We can trade in all these questions that torment us for a simple trust in God’s goodness and wisdom

Now reading this I see I haven’t complained enough to God Because of all am going through. But you meet someone he or she complaining on every simple thing in life. In my mind or to those I am open to I tell them at least you have a healthy life be thankful for that. I tell them to be in my shoes for just one day. And you know what they can’t even stand a minute. I also don't like the situation am in or else people would get tired of me if I start complaining or lamenting.

Lord, help me trust you enough to be peaceful even when there are things I don’t understand.

Not all that glitters is gold

Posted on February 4, 2016

Yesterday I felt so restless . I felt like am back to the days when I was crying and begging for my life. Everyday I get to beg God to spare my life. But God allow me to tell your goodness. Bring your healing too fast I feel like giving up already. yesterday I heard many doubts but see there is a new day each day for me. keep me till the end Please Lord don’t allow my enemies to rejoice and please bless all my friends and relatives who have been there for me.

God now you see this is too much for one simple gal like me. I surely have been strong but help me get where this will all end . your daughter is asking its not much but my survival. I will serve you the rest of my life.

Love doesn’t keep the record of wrongs

Posted on February 6, 2016

..love..is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it. ( it pays no attention to a suffered wrong)

love forgives: it does not hold a grudge. it is not easily offended.

If we don’t forgive quickly, but instead keep records of how others hurt us, sooner or later the list will get so long that we can no longer be in in relationship with these people. That kind of resentment is a part of what causes many divorces. If we learn this important facet of love and abide by it we will be able to save ourselves – and others – tremendous pain and damage of our relationships.

Let’s sow mercy and will reap mercy. start sawing forgiveness. you may need some yourself someday.

whatever we saw we will reap. I have been sick for 5 years or so. many people including my own relatives didn’t know the extent of what am going through until I started this blog. my point , so many people I had treated well in the past am receiving that now, what if I was cruel to them? what if I treated them bad ? I don’t think I would still be around for all these years.

Now if we choose to saw hurt others we will reap hurt in future.

I want to personally pray and thank those friends and relatives that spare their time to come check on me may the good father bless you. And all those who have had it in mind for long but haven’t yet got time yet. And those in far countries your contributions towards me really show if you had time and were near you would make time to see me. Thank you

when I have to change the breathing tube everyday, sometimes it hurts me Little blood comes, sometimes I feel like I don’t want to change it but I remember they are those people who have dedicated themselves to make me happy. I would be doing them a disservice. so I swallow a pin and change it though painful sometimes.i still got a lot to go through and a lot to learn

So how ever we treat others and to what extent we treat them , we will see that one day.

Some people are just bad news

Posted on February 7, 2016

Oh My God sometimes am too much down and in pain but a friend comes along and everything changes. God has blessed me with good people and he is doing his best to keep away the bad. I won’t resist his will. I will allow what ever God wants. Like my friends said may be he is preventing me from getting hurt. But my teaching the other day was we reap what we saw. if they have decided to show torture so will they reap. Today someone told me the truth I have been waiting for, the truth no one wants to hear when he or she is sick. That my ex boyfriend told him he left me because I became sick for so long. This is the truth I have been waiting for. thanks for clearing that for me. Please wherever you are just know I didn’t invite the cancer. and it gets anyone. May God forgive us at times we do things that don’t show love at all. God says love one another. treat those around you like you treat yourself. Some people just have no idea how words hurt a lot. But remember in this world everybody will at one time face an obstacle in life. Life will never be that straight forward

All those that have been good to me thanks a lot.

Life is worth living

Posted on February 11, 2016

Let’s pray God sees us through this day and the next till he says my child that’s too much , come to me and have some rest. I don’t know whether this is a test or not but whatever it is I ask God not to let the devil get its satisfaction. He has tried everything hurting me taking away people I thought I loved but nevertheless God has blessed me with a lot more friends . Sometimes I am just thinking and someone sends me an encouraging message like this morning, “There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk

Away from you: let them walk.

I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you,

Loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you,

Staying attached to you.

I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk.

Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might

Be made manifest that they were not for us.

For had they been of us, no doubt they

Would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you.

And if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person it just means

That their part in the story is over. And you’ve got

To know when people’s part in your story is over so that you

Don’t keep trying to raise the dead.

You’ve got to know when it’s dead.

You’ve got to know when it’s over. Let me tell you something.

I’ve got the gift of good-bye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift,

I believe in good-bye. It’s not that I’m hateful,

it’s that I’m faithful, and I know whatever God

Means for me to have He’ll give it to me.

And if it takes too much sweat I don’t need it.

Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

Sometimes I complain but its not worth it.

Please let God prepare me for the surgeries, and operations yet to come..

Thank you dear friends ,ogs and obs, relatives , doctors, and all those I have never met but have sent me help. Each time am humbled by Gods work though I don’t have my healing yet.

World not an easy place

Posted on February 15, 2016

Sometimes I feel so restless, like I can’t help myself. Times I want to drink/ gallop a lot of water but I can’t . it saddens me that I can’t quench my thirst at once. I feel helpless. sometimes am tired of changing my breathing tube. or even express my feelings in words. when I go to write what I wanted to say to someone looses meaning. a person cannot get my true feelings. like if I want to shout at someone to express how I feel. I can’t writing it seems as though am not furious. People often take me for granted.

Everyday I wish this nightmare ends. then I will give glory to God.

Don’t take the last hope I have

Posted on February 18, 2016

Oh God help me end this pain. Today I woke up with s new pain that went thought left arm . I wanted to cry but I can’t because when I cry o cough a lot . ohh dear God I feel so much pain . please don’t let have this lot of pain . help me at least take away the pain till I get my surgeries done dear God. sometimes I loose hope when I get this pain. But God don’t take away the last thing I am left with. I feel helpless. Restore my joy ohh dear God. I wish my condition was just spiritual ohh God. God I cannot say exactly how I feel but you know me well.

Thank you for the people that have helped so far in raising the money.

My Last Request from God

Posted on February 24, 2016

I haven’t written in a long time, here I am asking God to do me one last favor ohh God I wish this comes soon. I crave tasting food, drinking water, having a normal life like other people . may be I get a job , then never to cover my neck to hide my pain . that will be my joy scars, my warrior scars , courageous. I wish all this ends . I stop sitting on my bed day by day. go out some times , visit my friends , take trips etc . Oh God make this last dream come true.

Also bless all those that have supported me throughout. Amen!