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My Smiling Angel

Turning Point - Inspiration to Change!

"  It is said that in life you meet that one person who can change your life and most times you do not even know or realize it until later on."

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Her Story - February

                               I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE

                                   Posted on February 1, 2016 by carolsblog


I even don’t know what to say to people who ask how I am . because my blog says it all. no one can be OK in my condition. Now my healing won’t take a day or a week or those who ask do u talk now . I feel as if they are saying to me I can’t be your friend if you can’t talk.

This is why am saying my healing won’t take a day I still have a year or so to get there where people want me . That will happen not with only prayer but doctors help to- surgeries.
1.  my oesophagus broke down
2.  my spine got got exposed
3.  my trachea moved down I don’t know whether its still there.

In all this problems keep building up. tell me don’t we still have a long way to go?
can u expect something done spiritually only about my condition?
Me I need both. Am sorry to say someone advise you to go to church ad leave the hospital when they have no idea.
I can’t swallow not even my own saliva,

I know where I have been is the longest but still have tight days to go through. I don’t know where I get even the hope some loose it with just a headache or stomach ache.
Brings me to the point where I thank everyone who has supported me in any way. To my surprise people I have never met from different countries and those from my own country have also helped financially, spiritually , emotionally.It brings tears in my eyes for the care u give me. I said won’t blog without thanking you all. Thanks
You all have made my life worth living.

Today I read this

Posted on February 2, 2016


God has wisely kept us in the dark concerning future events and reserved for himself the knowledge of them, and he may train us up in a dependence upon himself.

One activity that takes lots of energy, yet entirely fruitless, is called ” reasoning ” when we reason we try to figure things out with our minds, and ask questions such as: ” why, God, why? When, God, when? What about this? What about that? ” We can trade in all these questions that torment us for a simple trust in God’s goodness and wisdom
Now reading this I see I haven’t complained enough to God Because of all am going through. But you meet someone he or she complaining on every simple thing in life. In my mind or to those I am open to I tell them at least you have a healthy life be thankful for that. I tell them to be in my shoes for just one day. And you know what they can’t even stand a minute. I also don't like the situation am in or else people would get tired of me if I start complaining or lamenting.

Lord, help me trust you enough to be peaceful even when there are things I don’t understand.

Not all that glitters is gold

Posted on February 4, 2016


Yesterday I felt so restless . I felt like am back to the days when I was crying and begging for my life. Everyday I get to beg God to spare my life. But God allow me to tell your goodness. Bring your healing too fast I feel like giving up already. yesterday I heard many doubts but see there is a new day each day for me. keep me till the end Please Lord don’t allow my enemies to rejoice and please bless all my friends and relatives who have been there for me.

God now you see this is too much for one simple gal like me. I surely have been strong but help me get where this will all end . your daughter is asking its not much but my survival. I will serve you the rest of my life.

Love doesn’t keep the record of wrongs

Posted on February 6, 2016

IMG-20160205-WA0011 not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it. ( it pays no attention to a suffered wrong)

love forgives: it does not hold a grudge. it is not easily offended.
If we don’t forgive quickly, but instead keep records of how others hurt us, sooner or later the list will get so long that we can no longer be in in relationship with these people. That kind of resentment is a part of what causes many divorces. If we learn this important facet of love and abide by it we will be able to save ourselves – and others – tremendous pain and damage of our relationships.
Let’s sow mercy and will reap mercy. start sawing forgiveness. you may need some yourself someday.

whatever we saw we will reap. I have been sick for 5 years or so. many people including my own relatives didn’t know the extent of what am going through until I started this blog. my point , so many people I had treated well in the past am receiving that now, what if I was cruel to them? what if I treated them bad ? I don’t think I would still be around for all these years.
Now if we choose to saw hurt others we will reap hurt in future.

I want to personally pray and thank those friends and relatives that spare their time to come check on me may the good father bless you. And all those who have had it in mind for long but haven’t yet got time yet. And those in far countries your contributions towards me really show if you had time and were near you would make time to see me. Thank you
when I have to change the breathing tube everyday, sometimes it hurts me Little blood comes, sometimes I feel like I don’t want to change it but I remember they are those people who have dedicated themselves to make me happy. I would be doing them a disservice. so I swallow a pin and change it though painful sometimes.i still got a lot to go through and a lot to learn
So how ever we treat others and to what extent we treat them , we will see that one day.

Some people are just bad news

Posted on February 7, 2016


Oh My God sometimes am too much down and in pain but a friend comes along and everything changes. God has blessed me with good people and he is doing his best to keep away the bad. I won’t resist his will. I will allow what ever God wants. Like my friends said may be he is preventing me from getting hurt. But my teaching the other day was we reap what we saw. if they have decided to show torture so will they reap. Today someone told me the truth I have been waiting for, the truth no one wants to hear when he or she is sick. That my ex boyfriend told him he left me because I became sick for so long. This is the truth I have been waiting for. thanks for clearing that for me. Please wherever you are just know I didn’t invite the cancer. and it gets anyone. May God forgive us at times we do things that don’t show love at all. God says love one another. treat those around you like you treat yourself. Some people just have no idea how words hurt a lot. But remember in this world everybody will at one time face an obstacle in life. Life will never be that straight forward

All those that have been good to me thanks a lot.

Life is worth living

Posted on February 11, 2016


Let’s pray God sees us through this day and the next till he says my child that’s too much , come to me and have some rest. I don’t know whether this is a test or not but whatever it is I ask God not to let the devil get its satisfaction. He has tried everything hurting me taking away people I thought I loved but nevertheless God has blessed me with a lot more friends . Sometimes I am just thinking and someone sends me an encouraging message like this morning, “There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk
Away from you: let them walk.
I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you,
Loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you,
Staying attached to you.
I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk.
Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.
The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might
Be made manifest that they were not for us.
For had they been of us, no doubt they
Would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]
People leave you because they are not joined to you.
And if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay.
Let them go.

And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person it just means
That their part in the story is over. And you’ve got
To know when people’s part in your story is over so that you
Don’t keep trying to raise the dead.
You’ve got to know when it’s dead.
You’ve got to know when it’s over. Let me tell you something.
I’ve got the gift of good-bye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift,
I believe in good-bye. It’s not that I’m hateful,
it’s that I’m faithful, and I know whatever God
Means for me to have He’ll give it to me.
And if it takes too much sweat I don’t need it.
Stop begging people to stay.
Let them go!!

Sometimes I complain but its not worth it.
Please let God prepare me for the surgeries, and operations yet to come..
Thank you dear friends ,ogs and obs, relatives , doctors, and all those I have never met but have sent me help. Each time am humbled by Gods work though I don’t have my healing yet.

World not an easy place

Posted on February 15, 2016


Sometimes I feel so restless, like I can’t help myself. Times I want to drink/ gallop a lot of water but I can’t . it saddens me that I can’t quench my thirst at once. I feel helpless. sometimes am tired of changing my breathing tube. or even express my feelings in words. when I go to write what I wanted to say to someone looses meaning. a person cannot get my true feelings. like if I want to shout at someone to express how I feel. I can’t writing it seems as though am not furious. People often take me for granted.
Everyday I wish this nightmare ends. then I will give glory to God.

Don’t take the last hope I have

Posted on February 18, 2016


Oh God help me end this pain. Today I woke up with s new pain that went thought left arm . I wanted to cry but I can’t because when I cry o cough a lot . ohh dear God I feel so much pain . please don’t let have this lot of pain . help me at least take away the pain till I get my surgeries done dear God. sometimes I loose hope when I get this pain. But God don’t take away the last thing I am left with. I feel helpless. Restore my joy ohh dear God. I wish my condition was just spiritual ohh God. God I cannot say exactly how I feel but you know me well.

Thank you for the people that have helped so far in raising the money.

My Last Request from God

Posted on February 24, 2016


I haven’t written in a long time, here I am asking God to do me one last favor ohh God I wish this comes soon. I crave tasting food, drinking water, having a normal life like other people . may be I get a job , then never to cover my neck to hide my pain . that will be my joy scars, my warrior scars , courageous. I wish all this ends . I stop sitting on my bed day by day. go out some times , visit my friends , take trips etc . Oh God make this last dream come true.
Also bless all those that have supported me throughout. Amen!

Her Story - January

First Blog

Posted on January 7, 2016

hi to all I greet u all in the name of our lord Jesus. allow me to share with you my life journey.  stick with me it will be a wavy road, hilly too. want to talk and encourage  the  sick and those who may feel down  thinking  that they have had the worst experience  in life. hope all will take it in and join me thru this journey.  want to first encourage  the cancer patients we can live long though  it may not be forever. believe  me no one lives forever.


Posted on January 8, 2016


let me start by thanking all friends, and relatives that have helped me to stand strong. these people have given me hope and courage to keep going. some have encouraged me , given me financial, spiritual, mental support among others. I don’t know where to start the list is endless will try here and there.

I can’t forget the doctors who have been kind to me. treated me as If I was their daughter, friend or relative. will live to thank them the rest of my days .

Thanks to all of u I don’t know where I would be without u

Posted on January 8, 2016

Relatives I want to thank include my dear mum, dad. they have stood by me but having a sick daughter for 4 years is tiring . other relatives and friends came in.
my sisters and brothers glory, Jackie, Isaac, Ireen, Ivan, Ivo and Ian, Christine and family, Nuwamanya and wife

My doctors Dr Tumwehire,Dr Chad and his team. Dr Otiti, Dr John, Dr Vicky, Dr Sentongo, Dr Mubarak, and all the nurses.

I also have a long list of other relatives to thank…God help me I don’t forget them.

My aunties that have stood by me auntie Nabasa, Enid, nyitera, peace, hilda

Uncles include uncle Donald, Amon, Apollo, Geoffrey, mutembeyi, Gilbert, mutesasira,Robert, Steven, Michael,collins

Cousin brothers, blessing, Jim, Alvin, sako, Abna,Wycliff, john, grace, Roland ,Ronald, Enoch, Kevin, authur and his wife, steven

Cousin sisters livia, Lydia, Justine, dorcus,Rona,sarah, Patie, Lonnet, Jennifer, Julian, grace, Judith and husband,Betty,Priscilla,

Friends who are boys Jarvis, lecturer senyonga, lecturer selubuli, cliff,Smith, shegril, Arthur, elijah, Elisabeth, Owen, oscar, Zeddie, nehemaih

Girlfriends, and ogs Sarah,Aisha, phionah,FINA, grace, Bon olive, joannita, Ashely, Stellah , Charlotte, Abena, all the Doreen s all the Carol’s, Rachael, Lambert, Jenna, Becca,eve, mellow, faithful, penina,Philip, atenyi, abwoli,joanita, Tina, Slavia, kamurorwa, chance, Catherine, cissy, and all the calvary members

Sisters in law Scovia, karen

Brothers in law, Joshua, Thomas

And all my friends

My driver and friend Alex

omg the list is endless. will keep adding.

First experience

Posted on January 9, 2016


where do I begin. well all of us who are suffering because of a diseases we have no control of well listen to my experience:

It was a year 2011, I was just in my second year last semester at campus when I started clearing blood small amounts. I didn’t take things seriously.

until third year when I started loosing my voice. I thought it was like any other loss of voice. So I started taking things that could clear my throat. it took long and I couldn’t answer any more questions in class. school became hard for me , fellow students laughed at me sometimes , talked behind my back , . well u know young people they don’t take things seriously, I lost some of my friends because of that. it was a horrible experience but wouldn’t allow all the two years to die for nothing so I hanged in there.

I started seeing doctors some told me it was psychological. but didn't think it was.

it was almost end of semester one third year I was taken to a private doctor who did a taste and found out I had throat cancer.

I couldn’t believe my ears my eyes were running . my heart was asking God what I did. up to now I have no answer.

in my heart I said I can’t have cancer, I have never smoked, drunk beer…etc. why would this happen to me as I sobbed.

what did I learn from this

1, Not to take any sickness for a granted

2, To make trusted friends who will stand by me always

3. God has his reasons why everything happens

what did u learn?

advise :

No matter how small any sickness is Please find a solution as quick.

The Next Step

Posted on January 9, 2016

where did I stop….huh

so I finished my second year, my third year was hell on earth.

after the loss of my voice for along time . there emerged another problem, I developed heavy breathing where by when I would walk up hill and breathe like a cow. I mean I was even afraid to walk uphill with other students because of  problems. going to the art room and coming back to where I stayed was becoming too difficult. I would breathe badly then reaching home I could clear out some blood.

I felt something placing my trachea.

some lecturers had put discussion groups but everyone would get a chance to go in front of the class and present something .I was busy praying that my turn would not reach. was forced to tell one of my friend to help me tell the lecturer that I couldn’t speak. thank God he understood.

so I pushed on until the end of my last day. As I finished my last paper they were waiting for me in Mulago to be admitted.

there I stayed at the hospital for three months while they were doing tests. I was with my friend eve…may her soul rest in peace. The tests were confusing some were saying no cancer others were saying I have cancer. so they gave me 3 months home and come back. I remember praying to God that let it not be cancer. But God has his ways. so I went home to rest.

I was give many tablets and went home to rest.

The tight journey

Posted on January 10, 2016

So after the three months, my graduation date was getting near. you never believe that I passed with flying colours- second class upper.don’t recall but it was like 4.something. God’s ways aren’t mans ways I had worked hard for that grade since first year. am happy I got that.

while waiting for my graduation I was in the hospital trying to figure put what ever was wrong with me. so I asked for a discharge on Friday went and attended my graduation and come Monday I was needed in the hospital. I spent like two moths breathing was becoming more difficult and swallowing to was starting to be a pain. Doctors were going for Easter on Friday and coming back on Tuesday. so they asked to me will u stay until Tuesday. I tell you Tuesday at that moment looked too far. I said no with tears in my eyes. They called mum and I to a room and talked to me about getting a surgery:…total lalyrngeoctomy – where by they were to remove my larynx. or putting a tracheotomy tube and starting me on chemotherapy and radiotherapy .

Guess what I choose, the second because it looked so easy I imagined having a part of me removed I couldn’t stomach that.

So that friday they took me to theater. it was my first worst experience . operating u on the neck while u watched. it wasn’t pleasant at all. it hurt like hell although I got some relief in breathing.

Now as if that wasn’t enough the process of getting used to the tube in my neck was a torture . I mean I was supposed to learn to change the tube my self and suctioning the tube this made me cough a lot its not easy. so I had my birth day in the hospital. people who cared helped me celebrated it.

As Tuesday reached I was partly used to the tube so they started me on chemo and radiation.

Going thru all this the person I called my boy friend had moved on with out telling me . Oh God people or should I say men can be hurt less. I learnt from Facebook that he had a kid when I was going thru hell

Men I respect all doctors and what they do.

where I have reached now I wish I had gone with total laryngeactomy . may be I could have escaped all this. or may be it would have been worse now only God knows.

what do you learn from this?

Sometimes it is a lot to take in

Posted on January 10, 2016


I received my first chemotherapy while I was getting radiation. No one wants to go through chemotherapy believe me . after the drip as I was going to my room I vomited. now vomiting is hard . the drug makes you loose energy. its not a good experience.

So I managed to go through all the three shots of chemotherapy. Now the radiation was the challenge. as I reached the 30th time of radiation my skin was being dark. the radiation burnt my neck I went home with a wound on my neck. I continued visiting the hospital for a solution. Until they connected me to the doctor who was going to do plastic surgery on me. I was in Mulago for almost a year was in and out of theater.

They first took me to theater for seasoning of the flesh they used to covet my neck.
One day I was from theater and my tracheostomy tube got blocked there were no doctors ,it was at night. I remember I was with my sister. the flesh they had put was still soft but I had to change the tube to save my life. I took that risk , I removed the tube and put a finger in the hole so that I can still breath as they cleaned the tube. I fell from the bed my life was slowly being taken from me. I remember asking God for another chance . and it was granted.

it was a fatal experience. Just know I wish we don’t pass through these experiences in life. but I hanged in there. may be God has something in store for me

A surgery went wrong

Posted on January 11, 2016

Took me about 1 year and six month to heal the wounds from the surgeries. they were more than twelve surgeries.

Yes I had healed but little did I know that the journey was still tight for me . After all had healed. I had another problem I couldn’t swallow without choking. sometimes I felt like swallowing a lot of water to quench my thirst but l would cough because of the fistula .it was caused by the radiation burns.

So I was linked to another doctor for head and neck. people I thank God for all my doctors they all care and want to see me well. so I was put on the list of people to be operated that was September 2014. meanwhile I had a feeding tube in my nose. this tube irritates when putting through the nose.
so come September was taken to theater and operated on the looks surgery had gone well. But not sure where Satan came from. The TSH was high. meaning my body couldn’t heal its self so what they had done broke down. I vomited and I guess it also caused problems. so part of the plastic surgery they had put broke down too . I again had a wound on my neck . this time I was to wait for may to be worked on.

My trachea also moved down , was taken to theater again they pulled it up but . it all the same moved down again. I was moved from where they were doing surgeries to another sector of the hospital. but my doctor did not let me down he kept checking on me until he discovered something with my lungs.
He asked me to do a chest scan .Next we will see what results said

The news that made us cry

Posted on January 13, 2016

Off I went for the chest scan . I hurried to get it because the request form said urgent. I took it to the doctor. I was praying nothing was wrong.But definitely there was something wrong

I was called in the doctor’s room . I remember I went with my sister who hadn’t left my side since 2011. It was now 2014. so my good doctor delivered the news it was hard for him considering what I was going through.

He told me I had cancer of the lungs. I think he didn’t see any chance of surviving this . But we were both torn down . he asked us to pray a little prayer . we prayed and as soon as we finished our tears were dry.

I went to my bed but of course couldn’t help crying. one thing that prevented me from crying is that when ever I cry I cough a lot and I didn’t want that.
Sometimes I ask my self if he didn’t get suspicious and asked for the scan where would I be now? Because I had started breathing badly again. some doctors are like family to me. up to now they are still with me.

What more could I have to ask from God. may be to be well in his own good time.

Even through all this not at one time have I failed to smile . how many can afford that?
So he connected me to a doctor that treats Cancer, she was also good to me. they arranged for me to start chemotherapy. this time I was to get 6 doses , 1 every after two weeks. but since I was weak they made the first doses low so that they don’t affect me more…. let’s stop here next will talk about the chemotherapy experience.


Posted on January 15, 2016

There I was : I started on my first chemotherapy for the lungs.
I was told I would loose my hair, darken, and my fingers too would darken. now the thought of loosing my hair broke me down. they advised me to cut it off but I thought in my heart I wouldn’t loose it. It was painful .

So I started the first chemotherapy went well I didn’t vomit a lot. I hated the vomiting part because every time I vomited I was scared of food going to my lungs. that was the scary part. I would cough and cough my chest would pain a lot.
So I passed through the three weeks they had given me. I went for check up my blood was still strong to take another chemotherapy. I hate when they over prick me looking for veins. my veins are not good so they had to prick me like 6 times every chemo. remember some were damaged by the surgeries before so some were not functional.

Any way they put the second chemotherapy after two weeks my beautiful hair grew weak it started coming off.

I was praying for my self to finish the chemotherapy.
To the third and forth…the fifth I didn’t have enough blood so they had to give me blood and then chemotherapy. I would leave the hospital like at 3 am heading home. my neck without enough support it would pain me the whole day. so I got my chemotherapy.

I had plaited my hair so it was easy for me to pull it. I pulled all of it out and there I was with a bold head .
I was tired of chemotherapy but had one more to go then go for check up. so I had it. I was growing smaller everyday. after three weeks after my chemotherapy I went for check up. they said nothing was changing . Remember the first two doses were not full because I was too weak as I started so the doctor recommended other two chemotherapy cycles. and I had to get them.

After those two I did a chest x-ray and nothing had changed the doctor decided I go off chemotherapy for some time as I waited for my next surgery.


Posted on January 17, 2016

The next surgery was closing up. so time came last year . they asked for some tests lucky enough I have great doctors so they helped me pay for the test. so I did the scan and waited . I was admitted and waited for my day.

The day came was taken to theater. now there came a struggle of looking for the veins. they got a small one just to put me to sleep. Whatever they did after I am not sure. but was told they will look at me and make plans for what to do. They did that but waking up the tube was blocking , I don’t know why but wasn’t breathing well . I hadn't carried a spare tube everyone was rushing up and down to get another tube,so they put me back to sleep and changed the tube. I woke up again same thing .so I told them to reduce the bandage on my neck and they did I calmed down.
So I waited for the major surgery where buy they had to cover the artery that was exposed and the spinal bone.

Time came they took me in and the surgeons did a good job . there was a challenge of controlling saliva going to the wound but the outside wound was doing well . The challenge was the meat they used to cover the spine. a month passed and that meat didn’t take up well. up to now they are still looking for the best surgery to do next.But through all this I have made so many kind people who have helped me financially. Up to now some are still with me .God will bless you for me. Because I would be no where. I have to buy a lot of stuff considering I don’t use my mouth to feed. sometimes am stranded and someone texts me that I have put for u some money. They have helped build my hope. also me when not in pain I do some interior things and sell . I get money to help me through another day.


Posted on January 19, 2016

What haven’t I seen…God don’t let my enemies rejoice over my fall.

I have been heart broken, two times because of my sickness . The second one said ” even the police fear cancer ” I didn’t understand he was breaking up with me. I thought he was a gentleman, like he used to lie that he is different from other men. Come to think of it other men are better than him.
wish he could come pick his fake ring. I have never hated anyone but don’t have the guts to hate this one?

So I was on Facebook I realized he had introduced another. I was also kidding my self who would love a person in my condition despite my good heart. wish he gave me something to kill me so he could get on with his life instead of giving me false hope.
Sometimes I want to run away go in some other country.
sometimes I want to cry out loud but I can’t, may be crying would relieve me of all this but when I cry I cough a lot.

I pray to God to keep me strong other wise what am I leaving for?
man, I have been through pain, but emotional pain is the worst . it hurts like hell. when you look for someone to tell about your pain and they don’t seem to understand you. considering your situation.
One of my good doctors advised me to take it easy but was so blinded , blinded by love. Loving a liar hurts like hell.

You know what’s funny, he would go off chat when I told him about my problems. I told him not because I wanted anything from him but a problem shared is half solved. wanted to just feel some relief.

God forgive me for making wrong choices.
Though its hard to take in I pray God guides me through it.
I know God says love your neighbor, but how can you love someone who has hurt you?
What would you do if u were in my position?


Posted on January 20, 2016

When am going to theater I am always scared.
Seated waiting for what fate will bring this time.
I really need prayers tomorrow. thanks a lot my friends and relatives. Oh God bless those who love me and care


Posted on January 21, 2016

There is a time when I cry n even hearing the nurse pushing the stroller to come and dress me . I would cry before the nurses came.

They would dress me then after like four days they come to dress again some times the gauze would get stuck in the wounds . where they got the skin to cover my throat. Sometimes would feel dizzy during dressing because of loss of blood and too much pain . But he got me out of that i pray never to let me go until the whole world about my story and to always thank God of what they have and stop complaining because somewhere in this world there is someone who has it worse.Thank Gd always…God let those moments seize in my life. Keep my smile strong


Posted on January 23, 2016

So I enter the theater and they have to look for the vein thank God they got it immediately. so they put me to sleep . what happened next am not sure.

But the main aim as I had mentioned to some friends was to put a tube to control the saliva from going on the wound and that was done pretty well. next I wake up in pain . From there was taken to my bed. the day went well so came night .

After telling my doctor that I was doing OK
Then I vomited it was really hurting and was in a lot of pain when ever I could cough . Then morning came when they were to wash me . Man it was painful than at night. but endured it all and got through it thanks to God.


Posted on January 25,2016

A night seems like a nightmare these days. I sleep when feeling better but waking up. I wake up in a lot of pain .sometimes I wish all this would be over . but how can it be over in a twinkle of an eye. Am living my nightmare, if I hadn’t people who stayed by my side, encouraged me, gave me hope. This journey would be like hell for me. People that support me give me the reason to smile otherwise why would I be smiling in these situations. I hate cancer with a passion even wouldn’t want my enemies, like my ex to go through it though he hurt me a lot. I think about a lot of things then even ask God why am still doing here. May be am here to tell my story or more. The pain doesn’t allow me sleep well. Sometimes I even fear sleeping. My prayer is this ends well. God don’t forsake your servant


Posted on January 25, 2016

I have seen Gods favor upon my life, something’s I haven’t believed yet. I have seen God work through people to make me comfortable even in my condition. now one may ask how or why am I saying this since am not yet well but my dear brethren I have seen Gods hand work through people I don’t know, my relatives, my friends, my friends' friends , my classmates ,my parents' friends and a lot more.

The question is how :

1. all of u know I don’t talk , now God used one of my relatives to give me a good phone with what’s app and other social medias. this has helped me a lot to talk , chat with people. it was going to be a hustle if God hadn’t used him to give me that phone. with it am also able to share his goodness with the world at large.

2. Another devoted herself to providing for ever living products to boost my health. she provided them throughout chemo. now that is a lot I ask my self sometimes that what have I done to deserve all these good people in my life.

3 . Some have given me money, sometimes the hospital bills get to me and I sometimes I have no where to run to . at this moment I receive money from good friends who I will treasure for ever .or sometimes I don’t have a clue on what I will take in the next day. But God always makes a way. I see a message like from a friend or a relative saying I have sent u this much buy what u want. I usually find my self in tears and ask God if some of mbu close relative can’t do this for me what have I done to earn this treatment.

4. some doctors have provided a lot to see me alive . really I want all my doctors to know I will forever treasure you always. even in my disability to speak still my doctors take time to answer, encourage in any state I present to them through texting. Now if they were not God loving do u think I would have come this far. you find a friend ignoring your texts but the doctor who is so busy gets time to answer my never ending questions. surely I thank God.

5. people have also provided spiritual help . They have encouraged, prayed, given me hope to go on another day. now I know am not yet in a good state But am thankful to all of those that have dedicated their lives to seeing me have a good life.God bless you all.

I was so afraid of what people would think or say. but am not worried any more. One person actually thought I had AIDS That hurt me a lot. so I decided to tell the world I didn’t being this to my self . and cancer can attack anyone at any stage.


Posted on January 26, 2016

Hide me now
Under Your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father, You are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God
Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father, You are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God
Your Joy Oh lord
will be my strength,
Renouncing fear
We stand in your glorious grace.
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father, You are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God


Posted on January 28, 2016

Yesterday was good day but you can’t ignore the pain. Mum visited me was all smiles. In life we all need someone to lean on no one makes it through this life alone. so I thank everyone that has encouraged me and supported me in any way. I will not forget to do this every single day because through that support and encouragement I find the grace to wake up with a new hope.

That’s how u matter to me even if its just talking to me I count it all joy. Stick with me till I write the end of my suffering. It is a bumpy road for all of us. when someone tells me they will come to visit I at least get something to look up to. like if I haven’t seen that person in years. May God bless those that take their time to make me happy.

You know I have come to realize that, the guy that claimed to be my boyfriend had never given me like a coin to take to hospital with me. it was a funny relationship. I admire couples who stand with each other through thick and thin.

I think smiles were many yesterday that my jaws hurt.
Usually out of every beautiful day I have there always where am in pain. But even if pain is too much I still find a reason to smile. Not because am happy.

yesterday I was reading on a friend I made recently’s profile. He has cancer and there is a statement that got to me. it stated ” cancer brings the best in people, ” wanted to add to that, not only does it bring the best in them, even the worst . you get to know who your real friends are and those who pretended to be friends. I have really learnt a lot through this. But wish there was another way of learning than having to pass through this….
Another day in theater.


Posted on January 29, 2016

It was such a relief having to hear from the doctor that my throat cancer is healed. But you will never know what the devil has else to humiliate you . Receiving such news was like the best day for me. it was like I have been born again. Apparently the devil wasn’t so satisfied by what I had gone through . So he made it a point to make me suffer again. this time around he had burns in store for me. So the radiation that burnt the cancer had left neck burns too. I really suffered with those burns until one doctor saw me and said” what is this patient doing here , she should be in the burns section”. so he took me and introduced me to a surgeon for burns.

It was Christmas time already so he said I come back the next year. While I was waiting the burnt creamish skin had to all peal off my neck.
I did but he told me the process might take him a year. Because there was seasoning the skin to put on my neck and was to be in and out of surgery the whole year. That was done like in my earlier post. The journey still continued

Now lord I am waiting on you. This is already enough for one person.


Posted on January 30, 2016

Sorry to say, people are funny you introduce your girl friend without informing me. depending on my condition. and you still have the guts to text me . inquiring if I was OK. Is that a genuine question? Does he want to hear that am dying?
This disturbs my peace a lot. Leave me to first deal with what i got on my plate. And takes me back. if you are the one what would you tell such a person ?
And can’t blog without thanking my visitors today and all those who have me at heart. Sorry not in a very good mood today